"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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