If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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