he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
