So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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