Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
