I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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