You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
