Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I supernannyed him into submission
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
