No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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