dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
