i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
