We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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