Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
