I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
