You're earring is so big in my mouth
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
