I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think I sprained my soul last night
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
