Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
