I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
