its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
