i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
