we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
