So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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