Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
