do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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