So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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