It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
