So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
