Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
