can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
