Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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