Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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