She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
