even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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