he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
