It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We got so high we made milksteak
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
