I must be too annoying 4 u.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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