I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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