New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
