you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize