either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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