I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
