My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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