Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
