as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
