thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
