I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
