is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize