margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
