My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
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He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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