I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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