Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
