what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
