Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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