i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
