just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
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