Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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