I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
