It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
