I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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