What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
