conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
