Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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