yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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