If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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