I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
