There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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