The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
