Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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