We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
