just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
