i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
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screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
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I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.