i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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