im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
