So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
